Let’s set some expectations right away, if you are reading this and expecting to find 100 useful, thoughtful and mind blowing words of wisdom then prepare to be disappointed.
First and foremost as I write this my list is about 70 items short. If these learnings are anything like my past educational experiences, I am gong to come up short. Think C- instead of A+. I will do my best to pay attention and be a dutiful student but in the end I’ll probably get distracted by a shiny object. This means I will do one of two things.
One, change the title to “59 1/2 I’ve Learned Since Being Diagnosed with Cancer.”
Two, call this a running list and hope that it fills itself out.
Now for the mind blowing part or lack of mind blowing. Don’t get your hopes up. This is nothing more than a list I started compiling at the beginning of 2021 for no reason other than I was just frustrated with myself. I honestly believed that having and surviving cancer was going to somehow transcend me into a deeper understanding of myself and the universe. Maybe it has, maybe it hasn’t, but all I know is I haven’t had that Luke Skywalker like moment where I become one with the Force and lift the X-wing fighter out of the swamp.
If you are looking for something a little more than what I have listed below then you are in luck. A quick internet search of “100 things I’ve learned” will yield 257,000,000 results. I am sure you can find something in there that will blow your mind or at least allow you to say something thought provoking at the next cocktail party you attend. Assuming we get to have cocktail parties in 2021.
“Come on Uncle Joe we need that vaccine, stat! Cocktail parties are counting on you.” says every single person who is sick of drinking with their friends via Zoom.
There are a lot of folks out there willing to share what they have learned. Many have list of 100 things and to be honest I’m a bit jealous and maybe a bit motivated, too.
There’s this red headed woman who has a lot to say. I’m not sure if having red hair makes her smarter but she does bring attention to it. For the record I am married to a red head and she is pretty darn smart so maybe this one is worth looking into.
Feel like taking advice from someone who is only been on the planet a little over a quarter of a century? Saurabh Rane is your man then. Surprisingly, his list is pretty good, too. I know when I was 28 much less now at 51 I would be pressed to come up with 100 insightful things I’ve learned. Hell at 28 I was still tending bar and going to school for a second time. Added bonus for Saurabh is the fact that he has camped at 19,000 feet, does TED talks and is trying to make the world a better place.
One last note, this list does not go 100-1, mainly for the fact that it’s hard to count down from 100 when you only have 3o items on your list. So here goes, 30 things in counting in no particular order that I’ve learned since being diagnosed with cancer.
- Friends and family are everything
- Strangers can also be incredible
- Sleep. Sleep a lot
- Listen to your body. See number 3. Sleep when your body says, “sleep”
- Establish a routine of self-care
- Exercise as much as your body will allow.
- Learn to breathe.
- Eat well
- Sometimes you have to eat crap food (I’m looking at your McDonald’s vanilla shake) because that is the only thing your body will tolerate as you move through treatment.
- Get outside. Nature heals. Sunshine on your face is like being kissed by warm lipped angels.
- Pets. Especially cats and dogs.
- You don’t appreciate your salivary glands until radiation fries them
- Trust the science. Someone selling your herbal cures via Facebook is trying to make a buck off your situation and fears
- It’s okay to be scared
- It’s okay to be vulnerable
- It’s okay to frustrated with everything and everyone
- Make sure you apologize to the folks you get frustrated with for no apparent reason
- Share your story. It could save someone’s life
- Embrace reading. TV’s great when you have no energy for anything, but reading will take you away, educate and increase your capacity for understanding.
- Write down your feelings and thoughts. Share them if you want to.
- More than likely after surviving cancer you will come out the other end wondering how you can give back and make a difference. Do what you can. No deed is too small to not have an impact.
- You’ll realize that not all your friends will see this through with you. That’s okay because you will appreciate the ones who do see it through with you even more.
- Even after you are “cancer free”, it will always be with you.
- Self-doubt is a powerful and scary negative feeling
- Eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies
- Embrace the moment. No matter how shity it is, in someway it is making you a better and stronger person.
- Just because you are stuck at home doesn’t mean you can’t grow and learn.
- Get your vaccines. No one wants to survive cancer to just end up dying from the flu.
- Your health and safety come first.
- Humility
- The “what if” game will eat you a live. “What if die? What if I had taken better care of myself? What if I had gone to church more often?” None of what you did or didn’t do matters now. You can only go forward. Try and go forward with what you have learned from your past.
- Go easy on the sugar
- That goes for alcohol, too
- If you are a guy, you are not doing yourself and the people around you any good by trying to be tough. Cancer sucks and sometimes it makes you hurt. Be vulnerable. You’ll feel better and the people close to you will appreciate seeing the real you.
- You don’t have to apologize for missing work because you have cancer. Sometimes you just feel like ass from your treatments and work just isn’t that important.
- Cancer’s not funny, but that shouldn’t stop you from laughing
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions
- If you don’t understand the answer, ask for clarification.
- The internet can be a great portal to learning more about your disease, but be careful of the rabbit hole that it can lead you down.
- Drink lots of water
- Write stuff, like your feelings, down in a journal. Or don’t
- Cancer treatments will beat you down and leave you feeling weak and helpless. When the time is right add some strength training to your life. You will love how you feel as your body gets stronger.
- I use to think walking was boring. An “exercise” for old people in Florida. I was wrong. Walking around my neighborhood was my first step toward returning to “normal”. Go for a walk.
- Forty-four was Hank Aaron’s number. We could all try to be a little more like Hank.
- Be okay with getting it wrong the first time, the second time, and the third…
- If you want people on your team, treat them like teammates.
- New friends aren’t better than old friends nor are your old friends better than your new friends, they’re just different kinds of friends. Embrace them all.
- Sitting on your front porch in the sun with people you care about and who care about you is the best.
- Wear sunscreen. Especially on your surgery scars and areas where your skin has been radiated.
- Cats don’t give one fuck if you have cancer. They will still walk across your laptop while you are trying to work just as easily as they will curl up with you for a nap.
- Healthcare professionals are people, too. They make mistakes. Cut them slack. They only want the best for you. Remember you don’t know what their days been like before they saw you nor do you know what lies ahead for them the rest of the day. There’s a good chance it has or will involve a lot stress. Remember that before you freak out because you had to wait a little longer in the waiting room.
- Celebrate the milestones and then plan on how you are going to get to the next one. One step at a time.
- Join a support group.
- Don’t settle for just good enough.
- Somedays you won’t be good enough. That’s okay. We all have room to improve.
- Take to time to reimagine yourself
- Sometimes the objective opinion of a stranger maybe helpful if you are trying to reinvent yourself.
- Small set backs can seem huge, but probably aren’t. Stop. Breathe. Evaluate. More forward.
- A lot of this list probably seems like complete bullshit as it pertains to your life, your experience and where you are in your head. It probably is so create your own list for perspective, reflection and learning.
- Use your “down time” at home while recovering to get to know your neighbors. Hint- the ones that like dogs are usually the best.
- Don’t discount the “cat people”
- The say that it takes 30 days to build new habits. Sometimes it takes even longer. Stick with it. You’ve got this.
- Buy a new laptop. Life is too short to wait for web pages to open and programs to run.
- Don’t be afraid to don’t cry. See my post Boys Don’t Cry for more on this one.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
- Try to help others when you can.
- Sit down and listen to an entire album from start to finish, not just songs on a playlist or shuffle mode. Trust me it’s different and better and many artist actually create their albums as a unified body of work to be listened to continuously.
- Talk radio is not news. It is people with an agenda.
- This is Bill and Ted’s favorite number.
- Take time to indulge in great bad films like Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
- Sweat pants and hoodies are the best, but every once in a while you should get dressed before going out.
- Don’t underestimate yourself.
- Fix something.
- Don’t try to fix others. They have to want to fix themselves. Your job is support and encourage them when they are ready.
- Supplements will not cure your cancer (or make you healthier), but if your doctor tells you to take one there’s probably a good reason for it so listen to her.
- Go to an art museum. It will challenge you, soothe your soul and inspire you.
- Puppies smell good.
- Noise cancelation headphones are a great for a quick escape no matter where you are.
- You won’t realize how fucked our health care system is until you are deep in it.
- Things that felt “normal” will take on more meaning & importance after cancer.
- Don’t forget to tell the ones you care about that you love and appreciate them.
- Learn to meditate. Hint – it takes time
- Buy yourself something nice.
- Buy something nice for someone else
- Having cancer is like a country song- your truck won’t start, your girlfriend/wife has left you and your dog dies.
- Get a cancer notebook. You’re going to be swamped with information, appointments and med schedules. There is no way you can keep it al straight in your head.
- Once you are better (aka- cancer free or no evidence of disease) you will be amazed at how much more healing there is still left to do.
- Experience shapes us. Don’t be surprised if you come out on the other side of all this a different person.
- Make more time for the people that are important to you. The return is much higher than spreading yourself too thin.
- Write and send thank you notes, not texts not emails. Actual thank you notes that require a stamp and the service of the US Post Office
- You don’t know how much joy the pleasure of taste brings in to your life until radiation fries your taste buds.
- Even when you can’t taste, cooking for others is still a pleasurable activity. You just have to trust they are being honest when they say the meal taste good.
- Recovering from cancer can mean lots of time convalescing in bed. Invest in quality pillows and bedsheets.
- Telling me your (insert relative/friend here) died from cancer does nothing to give me hope or optimism. I’m sorry for your loss but at the same time I am trying to stay positive.
- Being alone with your thoughts for extended periods of time can be scary.
- Being alone with your thoughts for extended periods of time can also really help you gain perspective and new outlook.
- Cancer changed me physically and mentally but I’m still the same person just better.
- Telling the people that you love that you have cancer is harder than hearing you have cancer. Saying it out loud makes it real for everyone.
- “I got 99 problems but cancer ain’t one”
- When you get that NED (no evidence of disease) diagnosis the hardest thing is trying to figure out what you are going to do with the rest of your life.
Wow! I can’t believe I finished the list. If you are a cancer survivor or the care giver of someone with cancer, I would love to hear what cancer has taught you. Leave your comments below.
Bikes Kill Cancer 